glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
