The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
