I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
