I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i think my cat just said my name.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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