I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
