Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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