I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
