no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
