Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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