He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
