Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
