matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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