from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
