You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I sprained my soul last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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