I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
