So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
try to milk me bitch
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