I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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