It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
