last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
