So drunk its hurt
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I AM VODKA MAN
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
