I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
