rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
