i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
