I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
