I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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