i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize