Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
