yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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