Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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