No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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