The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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