i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
