did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize