i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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