you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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