you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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