we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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