You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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