So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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