Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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