I just cut my nipple shaving
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
