Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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