Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
