Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize