Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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