I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
