I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
