so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
