I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
