She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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