I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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