You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
