Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
