You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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