question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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