So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
third nipple confirmed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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