No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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