dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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