My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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