A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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