I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
