Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
