I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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