I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
