I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
