I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
