dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
