watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
