There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
