She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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