even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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