hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
