need another drink. this is the easiest way
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
