That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
