but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
