Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Girls should come with a carfax report
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
