ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
