this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize