The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
