Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
