I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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