The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
