like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
