butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
