real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
