Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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