Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hippo gnu deer
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
