Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
