Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
