I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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