I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
