So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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