this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
