That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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