can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
