I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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