lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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