Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
